Last Thursday I went to a late Yin yoga session down the road from my home
It was bliss. I lay in poses, I stretched, I flexed and I melted into relaxation. Yin is my jam.
As I walked back home after 90 minutes of calming music, essential oils, zen energy and that incredible foot massage the teacher gives during savasana I had some seriously high vibe thoughts going on...
I am so zen right now.
Seriously, all the zen things I'm going to do when I'm home are going to be amazing.
Nothing can shake me.
And I seriously needed it, I had an unbalanced day. I had made some food choices that didn't serve me, I over worked and under chilled and I didn't leave the house.
When I left to go to Yoga I was thinking about how I just wanted to be 'saved' from myself on days like that. I wanted someone to come, wrap me up, do my work for me, plant me on the couch and bring me green smoothies. I wanted someone to answer the universal questions that travelled through my head but my husband, besties and girl gang didn't have what I needed.
To be honest, I was having a day when I wanted someone to do it all for me. But no, crap, I'd have to save myself.
So I was pretty proud when I walked my butt to yoga and made it through most of the class not thinking about work.
Then on my walk home I kept reiterating to myself that only I can save me. I am my best saviour and I am in control of my reactions and actions.
And being a mother, I knew that meant preparing myself to walk back into my home. Because I don't know what is going to be happening in that space. Chaos, calm, tantrums? Who knows... I'm not in charge of the balance of energy when there are small people involved.
But, I need to be ok and secure in my ability to handle what it is. Because at the end of the day, it's all within me, no matter my environment.
So I can blame Hugh or the kids for throwing me out of this beautiful state, this state I needed after such an off day. I can say it's hard to be me when I feel pulled in so many directions. I can shame them into believing that they knocked me out of my zen mindset and ruined it all for me. Say they threw me off balance again.
Or I can take responsibility, because what happens isn't up to me but how I respond is totally my choice.
This made me want to reframe my meaning of the word balance.
Balance is not peace, calm, zen and clean. Balance is being a little off centre and swaying always between too much and not enough. Between a little peace and a little passion.
That's balance for me. Right now.
