COMPARISON FOR PERCEPTION

After having a day with the Gratitude Gang yesterday working on our 2018 Intentions, I realised two things. 

:: ACCEPTANCE was a big part of 2017 for me

:: I didn't do enough GRATITUDE

Yup, I have a business called the Gratitude Project and I didn't live my truth this year. 

It wasn't easy.  This year saw more tears, more moments of exhaustion and more sadness than ever before.  But this year also saw more good than I've ever had or experienced.  

As high as I went, I fell that low.  

So this morning I set myself up on my balcony to journal.  In the background, Bo was playing with her new talking toy from Santa.  Harper was banging a hairbrush and singing very loud with the beat.  Somehow they had turned the TV on (sports channel, of all things) and I had my mantras playing on the Bose.  

So. Much. Noise. 

 

But I was set down on the mat, ready to journal and I wasn't giving up. 

So instead of doing what's been easy for me this year, blaming my environment on my state, I took charge of how I wanted to feel.  I wrote.  I wrote about why I was grateful for the noise and messiness of my home.  I wrote about how lucky I am to have these two little girls in my life.  I wrote about where I'm lucky enough to be sitting, with limited beach views and a breeze.  

And I realised as I was writing that I was comparing.  

But... Isn't comparison wrong?!

I've always lived by this truth, don't compare.  It doesn't help.  I remember Julie Parker once saying that comparison is just procrastination.  But, here I am, using my gratitude practice to compare to others.  

"How lucky I am to have these children, some other people would give anything to have their own"

"This breeze, this beautiful breeze I have when some people are trapped in places where they won't feel this air on their body"

And it got me thinking that maybe comparing is ok, maybe we can compare at times.  With boundaries. 

:: I choose not to use comparison to feel superior to another human, but to bring acknowledgement to my current situation. 

:: I choose not to use it to bring others down, but to give myself perception of what I have in my life. 

:: And I could even choose to use it to help others when the situation permits.  

So next time I'm using comparison to bring myself down, I'm going to remember that there are moments when I use it to lift me up.  I get to choose how I do it.  

I just need to stay conscious. 

TANTRUMS, CONSCIOUS PARENTING AND PURPLE DRAGONS

It's been on my mind lately that there has to be a better way when it comes to disciplining our children.

The thing is, we can forget at times that they can't control their emotions. Sometimes, I see my daughter getting so worked up, so out of control, so up in emotion-ville that I don't actually know what to do.

 

What do I do most of the time? I go kind of crazy with her.

And I'll tell you what works - definitely not that.

Tantrums can be a sign that a child feels out of control or unheard and that's one thing I know for sure. Now, I'm definitely not the perfect parent but one thing that I do try to do is check in with myself when things are getting a little bit crazy and even remember to check in with myself when things are going well so I can document what works with our family.

When Bo is having a meltdown, I know that I need to love on her and listen to her. I know that she needs time together instead of time out. Not praise. Not making it okay to have a tantrum but just sitting with her and listening and understanding her, not trying to tell her what to do.

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I think that's the biggest issue we face as parents. When our children are not acting the way our expectations require, we discipline, we shut them down, we tell them that their opinion doesn't matter right now and we're right and they are wrong. They should be acting how we want them to. Rarely do I see someone control a tantrum otherwise, unless there's fear or bribery around it.

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One thing that I know to be true is that when Bo can't control her emotions, me sitting with her, listening and understanding what she's going through, makes such a difference to her state and mine because, not only does she get to calm down but, I get to be present with myself and with her.

This is creating amazing habits for our children in the future. I mean, monkey see, money do. I know that I am guilty of getting bored and going into the kitchen and picking around at what I can find and I've seen my daughter do that too. I knew from the beginning, that it was a habit that she might pick up so I know that now I've got to be more mindful of that.

I can't discipline her for doing what it is that I do, we have to check in together and make changes that are sustainable for the growth of us both.

Another thing that I know helps when it comes to tantrums and children not being able to get out of that disruptive state is to start being creative.

I remember one night, being at a friend's house for dinner and her daughter was getting really worked up about something. I can't remember what it was but it was some issue that really was affecting her. I could see that she couldn't control her emotions and I could also see that things were really starting to get out of hand.

So, while we were sitting at the dinner table, I looked out the window, jumped up quickly and shouted, "Oh my goodness, I just saw a purple dragon fly past the window!" All of a sudden, my friend's child was amerced in what it was that I was seeing. She ran to the window, smiling, looking around, I went with her and I told her that it must have flown away but I was explaining to her what the purple dragon looked like and she was taken out of her hectic state and put into one of curiosity and excitement.

The tantrum was forgotten and all was well.

I encourage you, when you think about disciplining your children, to just check in with yourself as to where your intention is at? Is your intention to turn your child into the child that you believe they should be, to act the way that you believe they need to act? Or is your intention to listen, be with them and guide them as they develop into the person that they need to be to live the best life that they need to live?

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If you loved reading this, it would mean the world if you would hit the share button below and share this with the parents in your life. And if you have any great tips for conscious parenting, I would love to read them in the comments below!