It was almost two years ago that I decided to take a break from blogging.
To be honest, it was when I realised that things were going to be changing and I knew I’d need the space to handle it. I mean, can you imagine going through trying to save your relationship, eventually uncoupling, a TIA stroke, heart surgery and finding new love… and feeling the desire to be consistently truthful and vulnerable in this space?
I’m also super aware of the influence words can have. And in navigating my uncoupling, I wasn’t willing to share that process. Why? Because if someone, going through the same type of thing, was to read what we were doing, and it wasn’t right for them, it could’ve been detrimental for their relationship. I’m not a expert on uncoupling. I’m not an expert on saving a relationship that feels like it’s finished. So it simply wasn’t right to share.
And it was hard. There were days, and sometimes weeks that I wanted to hide from the entire world (and there are still those days). But the incredible thing that happened was that I got to put all ‘the work’ into practice. I got to see what really helps when things are completely unravelling, when your world feels like it’s ending.
And I did some things really well.
And I sucked sometimes too.
But I really got to know myself. I opened up in a new way that felt, and still feels, so good. Almost every person close to me in my life witnessed my walls and barriers come down, and the real, emotional, raw me come out of hiding for the first time in my life. My relationships with some friends deepened because they finally felt they were getting Ange, not the version that I felt ‘safe’ showing. Some people weren’t ask keen on this side of me, so some friendships started to dissipate because expectations couldn’t be met on both sides.
And that was all ok.
Because I trust in the universe. Even in those really shitty moments. The day I had my stroke and I lost my vision while I was reading on the couch. Going home after each test, alone, and not having a partner to cuddle and tell me it was all going to be ok. When I was questioning how I could be a solo mother and build a business. I always knew two things -
That it was all happening for a reason.
AND
That for things to get better - it was up to me.
So lots of changes happened. I stopped people pleasing to the level I always have (still working on this!). I became ok with my life not being perfectly mapped out in the socially acceptable way. I worked towards getting better at the areas where I was challenged.
I opened up to love.
Loving myself.
Loving my situation.
Loving the WHOLE journey.
And while I’ll never give you a ‘happily-ever-after’ conclusion. This is where I’m at now.
Happy.
Content.
Growing.
And I’m excited to be back and sharing what I’m learning along the journey.
Thank you for coming with me.
P.S. I would love to know how I can best share here. Comment below and tell me what you would like to hear more of, learn more about and see more. It would mean the WORLD to me!